There were some challenges that I expected when becoming a mother. I mean, sleep deprivation is a given. I already knew that I’d be a zombie for the better part of the first few months. I wasn’t prepared for it, but I expected it. I’m not sure how I could have prepared for the lack of sleep. It’s not like you can just stock up on sleep to make sure have enough before the baby comes. It just doesn’t seem to work that way. Oh, how I wish it did.
I wasn’t prepared for the change that I would feel in some of my friendships. I was the first of many of my local friends to get married. For me it felt like getting married pulled me away from them a bit. I was the married lady now. I was rushing home to be with my man and doing the wife thing. Many of my friends were dating or not. All wanted to be married someday but, weren’t quite there yet. So the things we wanted to do changed. The time we could spend together changed. We made the effort to still hang out but there were times I’d opt out to spend time at home. This was manageable.
I felt like we had found a good balance. That balance was thrown off when I had a baby. I was now the married, mommy friend while some of my friends were single and without children. The hard part for me was that I knew that my friends wanted to be married and wanted kids. For whatever reason, it just hadn’t happened yet. My response was to not tell them right away when I was pregnant. I kind of kept it a secret until the 4 month mark when it was getting to be obvious. For other friends, I waited even longer still. I felt horrible about not sharing my joy right away but I also felt bad because I knew I was at a point in my life where I was living the life some of my friends wanted.
Not everyone wants to be married and not everyone wants children but for those of my buddies that did and do, I’ve always felt this sort of guilt. I know that all things happen in time and totally believe that they will have these same experiences. The guilt I sometimes feel caught me off guard. It’s a whole other kind of mommy guilt. It’s one no one told me about. One I wasn’t prepared for in the least. Did you experience this other side of wife/mommy guilt?