So, my time is up. Maternity leave is officially over and yesterday I made my return to work. I kissed my little princess as much as possible and told her how much her mommy loves her. She just looked me in the eyes and laughed and smiled.
I know she’s fine in the hands of the ladies at her school. I know she’ll grow and be happy and learn so much. It doesn’t change the way my heart feels. It’s the same pang I had when I went back to work after having her brother. I’m convinced that I couldn’t have another child and do this again. It’s so hard to let go. I feel like the next time I see her she’ll be crawling. Those milestones are going to start coming at lightning speed now.
I’ve been enjoying watching her figure out how to use her hands. She’s grabbing everything in sight. At the same time, it saddened me to see the beginnings of her growth. I know it’s just that, the beginning. It does not matter how many times my mother and friends tell me it will be alright. Even though I know it’s true and I know they mean well, I want it to be better than alright.
On the flip side of that, going back to work is like going home. I’ve been with the same network for nearly nine years. The people are like family for the most part. It’s a very comfortable place to be. Everyone was happy to see me even if it was mixed with shock. Absolutely no one expected me to return. Either they know how I feel about my babies or they know how much child care is. Either way, it felt good to be missed. It’s a little like the love I shower on my children because God knows I miss them when we’re apart.