If it seems impossible, I seem to be drawn to it. If it seems like it may be just out of my range in any way, I really want it. I’ve always been that way. I’ve always wanted the things that people feel are lofty. It’s not so much the material things it’s the crazy, out there goals.
While I’ve always been a big dreamer, I was also seriously guilty of holding myself back. I would let opportunities pass because I would freak myself out based on “what if?” I would think what if the thing I want really happens. It would scare me and I wouldn’t act. I finally learned to let go of my “what if’s?”
I finally started to see things differently. Not going after things you want doesn’t serve anyone. Not your kids, not your spouse and certainly not you. When we have ideas and aspirations that we kick to the curb somebody is missing out. Those somebody’s would be you, your kids, your spouse and the countless people you would have touched had you gone after it.
Letting the “what if’s” take over was my weakness and kept me playing small. Here are some ways we cheat ourselves by playing small.
Waiting to be asked – Waiting to be approached about an opportunity Instead of taking the leap creating an opportunity or even making interest in the opportunity evident. If someone can help you get closer to what you want, speak up so they know you want it.
Letting fear win – This is where the questions and inner critic kicks in with all the reasons it won’t work. I think the inner critic pretty much is the protector of the comfort zone. The thing is, all the good stuff is outside of that space. Ignore the inner critic. When it tells you all the reasons why it won’t work, tell your inner critic to prove it! In the meantime, you keep pushing.
Someone makes a joke of your dream – If the inner critic doesn’t get you, the outer critics might. It’s so important that we share our dreams with the right people. Everyone won’t be on board and will convince you that you can’t do it because they don’t think they could do it.
You go after it but while in pursuit you hear more no’s than yes’s – Rejection is a beast. Hearing “no” too many times will discourage anyone. Sometimes we’re asking the wrong people. Sometimes we’re simply asking the wrong questions. Find an alternate direction, shift your sails and keep moving.
Have you been guilty of playing small? In what way?
51 Comments on What If’s, Dreams + Playing Small
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I rarely wait to be asked. I am the QUEEN of inviting myself places and I always speak up when I want something.
Thank you for sharing this. I struggle with these things all the time, especially letting fear win. I try to take it a day at a time but some days are definitely more challenging than others. I’ve totally been guilty but I’m working on it 🙂
Jessy @ The Life Jolie recently posted…Grandma Eve’s 90th Birthday Recap
I was guilty of playing it small when I first started working for myself. And then one day, I thought, “Did I do this to play it safe, or did I do this to be amazing?!”
Stacie @ Divine Lifestyle recently posted…Rustic meat skillet with beef & bison
I have recently been reading a lot about the “fear of success”. I think it’s a real thing, and keeps me from stepping out of my comfort zone to achieve big things!
Kecia recently posted…10 Must-Know Mom Hacks!
I let fear win a lot. For me the scariest thing about taking a leap right now are the financial implications.
Wow I love this. I always a small. Especially where mt blog is concerned. It’s where I make my. Money, and where I feel most happy yet I’m always too afraid to play big or go for risks.
It’s amazing what can happen if you just work up the nerve to ask! No one has ever gotten anywhere by being silent.
“Playing small” was definitely easy for me to do. Over the years I’ve learned to be assertive without being rude though.
Liz Mays recently posted…Visa Signature Helps You Create Next Level Travel Experiences
Reading this post really came in a opportune time because I am planning to talk about ‘Fear’ in one of our family meetings. I would love to use your first quote…Fear is putting your faith in the What If. So true! Thanks for sharing!
Cara (@StylishGeek) recently posted…MARVEL’s The Avengers: Age of Ultron Super Heroes Assemble App
I guess I’ve always been assertive and at times too much so I never did play small. I did however play big way too many times so there needs to be a middle ground for me somewhere. Thanks so much for sharing your post and thoughts.
Terri Ramsey Beavers recently posted…Wall Stickers 4 Fun
When I was younger I made a lot of my dreams seem small. Now that I’m older I let that go and go for those dreams!!
Olivia Schwab recently posted…Coffee Time With… JEN
I was surprised by what can happen if you just ask. After all the worst that can happen is you might be told no.
Very nicely done. Article is well written and simple.
I definitely hold myself back as well. I need to set bigger dreams for me
Christie recently posted…6 Must Haves for Traveling with Kids + Bubble Bum Car Seat Giveaway
hehehe I don’t hold myself back…. Which is great most of the time but the few times it hasn’t been great… Omg…. Not sure which is better lol
ive always struggled with “what ifs” and I hope sometime soon I can learn to ignore the what ifs and grow!
I’m guilty of this a little bit, I think. It’s hard to remember all of those dreams when your priorities get switched around with starting a family. I think when my kids are older, I might revisit some of my old “what ifs”.
Jessica Harlow recently posted…Give him a personalized gift he’ll love this Father’s Day from GiftsForYouNow.com!
I love that second quote. It’s so inspirational and true!
Cinny recently posted…Treat yourself to a Home #Spa #skincleanser #skincare #beauty #ad
Sometimes you got to be willing to take the risk to do what you love, what ifs always end up being regrets!
I just clicked on your site from the Facebook bloggers rollcall, and this was a very motivating post to see!
I see too many times where young people let fear win. I know that fear can be crippling to many and cause so much anxiety and stress. Fear of failure is the most crippling for many.
I’ve been guilty of playing small in the past, but not anymore! If we don’t go after our dreams, we’ll never catch them! I certainly don’t like rejection, but it comes with the territory. I always remind myself of the “greats” that received rejection time after time, but never gave up.
Alli recently posted…How to Break Up With Your Hair Stylist
Yes, I am definitely guilty of playing small. Because of intimidation, fear, laziness and no motivation.
Mistee Dawn recently posted…Hummingbird Cupcakes Recipe.
Love your post! It made me think a lot. I used to let fear win over me but not anymore.
Shaney Vijendranath recently posted…I’m Pregnant!
I’m guilty of waiting to be asked. I can be tough taking the first step, so I just keep waiting. But all I’m doing is losing time and motivation. Today’s the day.
Crystal recently posted…5 Reasons I’m Thankful for My Mom
I normally tend to wait to be asked. But in some instances and in others I take the bull by the horns. That sentence really says I’m from Texas too.. LOL
Candy O recently posted…The Choice to Conceal #Stealthie #ad
I am one of those who asks “What if I did it?” because most of the times, I leep my quiet. I don’t really speak up unless I am being asked.
Chubskulit Rose recently posted…The 7th Annual Festival of Nation in Weirton
I feel like I let fear and others thoughts stop my dream of writing and publishing a novel. It’s still something I do on the side, but for the longest time I ended up stopping altogether.
Roselynn recently posted…CDB Lacquer – Summer Rainbow Thermals
I’m a dreamer too, so I totally get it! I love the quote, “Go out on a limb, that’s where the fruit is.” So true.
I need to go bigger with my website. I hope my website will take off if I go big.
Beth@FrugalFroggie recently posted…1-800-Flowers #CheerstoMom Giveaway
I don’t share mine. Is that wrong? I feel like someone will down them and then I won’t move forward, so for the most part (there are exceptions) I keep my dreams to myself.
As i have been getting older i find i am worrying less about what everyone else thinks. If i want something i go for it. Might as well live life to the fullest.
There are extremely helpful points in your article. Asking is an important step in getting to join in on something that matters.
Ora Lee Gurr recently posted…Traveling Tuesdays: The Evolution of Salt Lake City, Utah
I adore this post!!! I used to be the kind of person to wait for things to come to ME. And if I tried and failed, I just shrugged as “wasn’t meant to be.” NOT ANYMORE. Now I go after it and you know what? It feels amazing 🙂
Annie recently posted…The Purchase 20 Years in the Making
My boys have a book called the What If Monster. It’s great because it touches base with so many of the points you just made here.
Tanya C. recently posted…GoNoodle – Free brain breaks for your classroom!
What If’s are always fun to think about! I did this with friends…What If you won the lottery…and the next thing all they did was shout!
I have heard that we are the ones who get in our way the most. I suppose that is true in a lot of things I’ve done (or not done) in life too.
I just love this! What a great example of the importance of finding ones self and TRULY living.
Mariana John recently posted…5 ways to support a NICU family {+ A #TeamKmart : March of Dimes Giveaway}
Love this blog! So many wonderful thing can happen when you stand up for what you want and take thing into your own hands! Great read!
Fear is my biggest setback. I’m slowly training myself to do things scared but I’ve failed at a few things and I think it took the wind out of my sails and I need to get back to that fearless individual I once was. It’s so hard at tie.
Mimi recently posted…{#OurProject52} 17/52 Out of Focus
I am guilty of not putting myself out there enough. I really need to start taking more chances.
Ashleigh Walls recently posted…Special Stella & Dot Mother’s Day Promotion
I have been letting someone close to me make me fear my dreams by making me believe I am not good enough. Today I squashed that and set off a writing contest with the hopes of winning a very big prize!
Chrystal @ YUM eating recently posted…Bestowed – Food Box Subscription Haul
I am my own worse enemy when it comes to my dreams. Thanks for this uplifting message.
Melissa Vera recently posted…Buy Tide Get A Gift Card
My mindset is my biggest downfall. I always feel as though I set myself up for the mundane and small fry before I’ve even got started.
Great post! I definitely can relate. I have grown so much as a blogger. My motto is it never hurts to ask. If I pitch and get declined, I move on to the next company. I have to say I am pretty happy with how I am going so far. I like that you mentioned someone making fun of your blog. That can be very discouraging, but it can also push you to make your site better.
I was always someone who waited to be invited, but lately, I have just been going for what I want. No matter what
Debi recently posted…Easy Skin Care Routine to Prevent Acne in Adults
I’ve definitely let fear get the best of me in the past, but I’ve been working on pushing myself out of my comfort zone and taking charge of my dreams! :]
Farrah recently posted…Foodie Friday: Strawberry Banana Chia Pudding
I’ve been guilty of playing small. My fears and insecurities tend to win a lot of the time, but it’s something I’m working on fixing as of late. Thanks for sharing this!
Jess recently posted…May Goals
I so needed this cause I keep playing it safe and small when I need to speak up and go big or go home!! Thank you for this post!
Thank you for this post. I struggle with this all the time. I sometimes play is safe and small when I should be speaking up and going big or going home. I block my own blessings and I’m gonna work to stop that.
val recently posted…WHEN MONEY IS NO OBJECT TOP 10 LUXE MOTHER’S DAY GIFTS
It is so important to play yourself, to be yourself. I like the idea of dreaming a big dream and then doing even better.
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